Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
