dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
