I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He passed out mid-signature
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
