Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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