What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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