the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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