don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
