i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
