I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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