How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
