We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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