She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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