I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
