I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
