New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A+ Viking dick
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