We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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