I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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