She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
