That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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