i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
