i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
