Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
