I just threw up on my dentist
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
