fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
