I just cut my nipple shaving
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
