If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
