and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
