Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
