Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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