I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
