HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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