things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
