Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
