Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
