Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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