I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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