you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
