All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
