It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
