ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
