i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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