why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
