Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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