it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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