There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
