Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
