i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
