we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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