$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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