he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
